when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
