Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
