Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
