go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
