My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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