halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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