About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You need a sexual gate keeper
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Bring me that man meat
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
