Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
