I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
