If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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