yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So apparently I’m into choking now
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