no, he came in my armpit
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
