I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize