Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
