I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
