I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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