The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
