Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
