I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
