So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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