Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
