we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
