He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
