i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
