I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize