The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
