I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
