i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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