I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
