that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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