dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
