everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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