when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
