I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
