somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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