Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
