Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
