dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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