with your own penis?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your cock deserves a montage
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
