Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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