I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
