I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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