I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
