found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
