cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
