i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
