Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
