i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
