He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
