If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
