I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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