Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
