im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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