It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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