I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
