I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
