Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
