dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize