So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
