sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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