i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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