He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
