I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
