Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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