Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
