hotel room ftw
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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