Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
