Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
