Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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