I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The air taste purple.
Randomize