he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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