Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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