would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
MIDGETS
????
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
