puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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