I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
