Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
