I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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