I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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