just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
