i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize