so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
