I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
