what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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