Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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