So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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