Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
