im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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