I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
