His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
