According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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