Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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