why im i the only drunk person in the library?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize