He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
