i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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