I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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