i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ladies don't puke and tell
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
