she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I still have a little drunk in my system
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize