basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
