i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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