airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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