I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Girls should come with a carfax report
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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