I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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