he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
