RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
